Saturday, 17 October 2020

hello.



Hello lovelies,

It's mid October, hello captain obvious, I know I know. I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't dreading writing this blogpost. I have been trying to write it for moths, and I kept changing the months from July, to August and now we've made it to October. But I really miss writing, it's the one thing that I have been missing in my transition through the summer, where I felt like I lost myself a little, but I can't write without putting this post up first.

If you follow me on instagram, you will know the whirlwind of emotions that have come over me this summer, I have moved away to live abroad aka onto a boat, spending majority of my time on anchor in France, with a 9pm curfew. I guess it doesn't sound too bad, seeing as it nationwide now. So if you didn't know, when you see celebs on super yachts, we're the people that look after. Apart from we swap out celebrities for families. Think of it as a skii season, but on a boat! A glorified slave really.

Although this journey started on the 5th of June, I didn't realise how it will change me or change what I want in such a short and drastic period of time. I have felt all the highs, feeling the best I've ever felt, all the lows, feeling like I lost a part of myself, which really is a big one. When you're laying down in bed and you realise that you're not you. It's kind of scary too, will I stay like this forever? Have I grown up into this? Or do I just need to snap out of it? 

Quite early on in my journey my boyfriend and I decided to breakup too, I'm happy to answer any questions, which you probably will not have because he wasn't a big presence in my social media.

The worst bit is trying to explain the 'why' to others, especially the parents who are head over heels for your other half, feels like more hearts were broken in the process than intended.

It's not all doom and gloom though. I'm currently in Spain, the sun shines, and I have all the tools I need to build myself and shape myself into who I want to be. Sometimes we get lost within other people and trying so hard to keep up. For me, I want to slow down, I want to look after myself, nourish myself with good information, positivity, self-care. Once you take time to look at yourself, build yourself and treat yourself as a friend, things just end up aligning. So here's to aligning with yourself. 
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